babydoll smiling inside xxx

13th dec 2011
wed

21.38

finished watching masterchef,,,
wow unbelievable what those chefs created xxxx

trying to catch up with all the articles i need to read omg...
sorting out things that need sorting before xmas ... pfff

spoke with my mom back home,
reminds me to send them the cards to reach them on time!!!


spoke with the young man and its his exams,omg
i think i am more nervous than he ever was!!!

all decorations at work i had to sort with ladyboss...
she seemed a bit more relaxed today than yesterday

spoke with mr f,and he said he wil giveme all his
Cordon Bleu books that was given to him when he was there,,,
and a lot of his recipe books from when he trained..
i said,thank you very much,but its not necessary...
people gave them to you for a reason,you kept them all these years...
its not right for me to take them...
he said,he wanted me to have them..

so maybe,i thought,i've got to make sure i take care of them...

done another page on a site...
things that i hold in my heart,where no one knows
and theres no one else in sight xxxx
where i am free to write and put whatever
thigns that will please me xxx

now i regret not taking pictures of places that i have been taken to by sd...
so,i took some pics off the net,where we have been..
and i feel so silly not to think of adding the images to my twitter after i posted my
blogs!!!! oh how silly i am!!!

never ind,,i say to myself...
everyday is a learnign curve xxxxx


today,i was surprised again,to know that doggy is still not there!!

he is on an extended holiday with the grand pa,to help him with loneliness
after his american gf went back to the U.S.

i miss my walks with him when i have time..
he was sucha  good companion,
i think he was the first one to know that i have fallen inlove with another man!!!

i was alone,walking with him on the country lane

i found myself talking to him!! haha
a doggy who looked confused ...
thinking maybe that i am a maddie lol xxxx

i said to doggy...
me 'oh,doggy...i think i am falling inlove with somebody..'
he whimpers as if he understood what i meant,
as i carried on with my lament...

me 'but i am confused,he may never really actually like me!'
doggy just walking beside me,looking sorry for me!!!

after that,i know there was point that i was with my sugardaddy..
as soon as i walked in,he leapt on me!!! lol
i am sure he can smell my darling on me ;))))

but slowly,i feel happy...
today i am smiling inside...
knowing that he is there working hard somewhere...


my world is not a perfect world but somehow,
i am glad that there is something i am happy to smile about...

something came alive inside of me,that was sleeping for a long time...
he said,he will cant be wth me 100%...

i felt sad in the beginning,but i know this is what life has for me,
and i cant do anything even if i wanted...

but he gave me something...
that made me happy..
he may not even know it xxx

i know,we see things differently,but this is how i want things to be xxx

its not a perfect arrangement,
and it may lead to heartbreak for me...
actually i am already making myself ready for it,,,
cos i know,thats what i should expect all time,i am sure...

but better love than never,
if you fall inlove
some one said to me,you would know..
however you deny it,it will surely show!!!!

bloody hell how right was it?
haha!

boss asking 'hmm what is it?'
me:what?
boss: never mind and looks at me smiling lol

my darling sugardaddy,
what have you done to me?

thinking of all the good memories we shared,
for the short time that we've known each other...
he'd always made me happy,does everything for me xxx
sometimes i wonder,
is this how all sugardaddies should be??

and i smile and think...
i am very lucky he chose and wanted me...

now its winter and all the firsts we shared together,
i put them away safely,
one day
it will remind me,
if he choose to walk away..
that there was a day a man actually made me feel he loves me and he'll stay xxxxx